Yes, I know how it sounds. Another write-up by a male chauvinist who is afraid of commitment and therefore seeks to justify his fear through illogical rationale.
Except that no illogical rationale shall be used here, nor will fear drive this discussion.
This is a piece written by a male of 30 or so who has accepted his lack of desire for early commitment (i.e. permanent romantic partnership of any sort), where “early” means “before the age of 40 or so”.
“Good men are hard to find”, is the general complaint lately. In fact, some people, as exemplified by a certain lady whom I follow on Facebook (details available on request), have even gone to lengths of encouraging sharing of these scarce “good men”. It is easy to dismiss these people as good-for-nothing home-wreckers.
It is a fact that our society has undergone rapid change in terms of freedom of sexual orientation and the expression thereof in the last decade or two. In addition to “normal” men (“normal” in the traditional sense), now termed “straight” or “heterosexual”, we have homosexual (“gays”) and bisexuals (basically every man who is either married to a lady or has a biological child conceived via natural routes, but which man occasionally “strays” to holding hands with another man).
What this results in is a factual reduction of men who are available to women. I will not discuss statistics from studies conducted by the University of Minnesota or its peers. Logic only shall rule in this discussion. Oryt.
Then of course we have our era of the “hustler”. The guy who practices the 2Pacalypse “M.O.B” doctrine, i.e. “money over bitches”. This guy gets aroused by money first, oestrogen later.
Then of course we have the incarcerated. These tend to stay locked in for a minute. Remember the guys who robbed the SABC journalists on camera? They each got 15 years. Robbery is the typical SA crime, so plenty of young men spend their first 10 to 15 years after attaining majority status, in jail.
So after gays, bisexuals, hustlers and convicts, we have a significantly reduced number of men in our society as compared to ladies. You may be thinking, hey, but ladies also have lesbians, bisexuals, hustlers and convicts. True. However, reason tells me that there is a significantly lower number of such as compared to men. Again, logic only shall rule the day, so we shall accept this logical conclusion (cos frankly, I’m lazy to google stats, so…).
Then we have the unemployed youth.
Then we have the nyaopes (druggies).
Then we have the already married, and happily so according to their Facebook posts.
The final number makes a sad unbalanced ratio of men to women available for marriage.
That final number is the number that is accused of being unmanly. “The men of today are afraid of marriage”, girls wail. “They will date you, cheat on you, break your heart, make babies with other girls, re-break your heart, love you, disrespect you, buy you trinkets, take you to clubs, make love to you – and at the end of the day never marry you. You end up marrying some other guy that you dated for a month, but you would have dated that other fucker for decades!”
This final number of men (let us call these final men the “eligible bachs”) does not want to do the traditionally honoured thing of stepping up and marrying you as quickly as you would like. They baulk, trip and stall when the altar is mentioned.
However, consider the alternative. Imagine if each of these eligible bachs selected one girl and married them as soon as the girls liked. Imagine if the bachs never strayed, never cheated – just did their wives, klaar. What then?
Let me tell you.
Girls would starve out there. There would be zero booty calls, zero clandestine dates, zero second wives, zero baby daddies, and zero people to bring drama to. Ladies – you would starve.
Right now it seems bad that you enjoy men until you maybe get to 50, then because you are unmarried, you then spend the rest of your life alone. However, you do at least get to enjoy men until then, because they are unshackled and can be with you without much harm being done. If the men committed to one girl, plenty of you would need to enlist the services of your gay friends or spike married men’s drinks to at least get some human attention.
You would enjoy that, would you not? Yes, I’m sure you would.
All I is sayin’ is, by men defaulting from doing the honoured thing, ladies get more time to enjoy themselves – you get opportunity. If you do get to 50 without someone marrying you, then tough luck, at least you had 30 or so years of action.
However, I think that fate will favour you. I think that the situation is normalizing. Hustlers are getting old as well, so be it may work out that when the hustler eventually tires at 40, you are there at 30, sweet 30, ready to cradle his tired head. Or when the convict eventually gets released at 45, you are there at 35 or 40, sweet, fresh and ready to give him money, food, kids and a shopping trip to Dubai in exchange for his surname.
Meanwhile, you frolick and make money.
Is that not what life is about anyways?